Monday, December 31, 2012

Adam and Peter Lanza


As most of you know, autism has directly affected my family in the following way:  I have a son who is on the spectrum, it has cost me great sums of money to properly educate and treat him, it has caused a divide in my relationship with some family members, I have spent countless hours in deep thought about how I am going to care for him as I get older, I have worried over his mental well being, I have not had a serious boyfriend in over 10 years because some people don't understand autism, I have kept myself from getting involved with men because I am worried they won't understand me, I have been afraid of being resented for my son's autism, I worry that something bad will happen to my son when I'm not with him and I am worried that other people, kids or adults, will be able to influence him to do things he doesn't understand that are either against the law or cruel to him or others.  Those are the bad parts.  Autism has positively affected me in the following ways:  He's a sweet kid!  He is funny, a real hoot.  He has shown me that mean people and bad things CAN be tuned out and forgotten.  He has shown me unconditional love and forgiveness, even when I've not been very nice to him at all.   He has shown me that he can enjoy the simple things and that being a homebody is a good thing for him.  He has given me perspective on what's truly important (BOTH of my children have).  I would die for him if I had to (for BOTH of my kids).

As a parent of a teen boy on the spectrum, I have had some very difficult and trying times with Ross.  Some have been damn hard, especially having to do it alone.  Yes, I have lost my temper - too many times - and he can make me angrier than anyone else. But he's my son.  I love him.  I want to do everything I can for him.  In his earlier years, it was a real battle to get him to reign in the bad behavior.  For a while Applied Behavior Analysis did pretty well for him, but only at school.  The typical, every day kid that is also Ross didn't do for me what he did for his teachers, LOL, but I was ok with that as long as he was being good at school.  Ross hates the word "no" and the phrase "you can't do that."  But he adjusted well and thrived.

Now he's in middle school and it's a whole 'nother ball game.  This is the time I wish his father would make himself more available but I know that won't happen any time soon.  The boy is changing both physically and mentally.  He's getting strong, real strong.  He's much taller than I am and now he's getting much braver than he used to be.  I'm not sure how one of his tantrums are going to end in the near future.  I do worry he will take his anger out on me with his fists.  Even though he is a sweet child and would never hurt another person, I worry that one day he quite possibly could.  With autism, a child has no control over his/her impulses.  There is no filter.  They cannot stop themselves from doing something that you and I can.  Let's say I was having a heated argument with another person and they made me so mad I just wanted to punch them.  I have the ability to reason with myself that if I do that, there will be consequences.  So I think about those consequences and how it would ultimately affect my life.  Or I think about the fact that even though I want to smack them, I don't because it's just wrong to do it.  Kids with autism can't stop themselves.  They have an impulse to do something and they just do it.  It's a learned behavior to stop and think about what might happen and it's a behavior that takes years to master, sometimes decades.  Some won't take as long as others to catch on but some never do.  Besides, at that age, you never know what a flood of testosterone is going to make a kid do.  Especially one that has no impulse control.  Lately, when he's having a tantrum he tends to start hitting and kicking the walls.  This is  a new development.  So is the fact that his personality is changing from kid to bug guy.   He's testing the waters.  Talking back.  Getting defiant.  "So what if I do it anyway?  What are YOU going to do about it?", I hear him saying to me.   Frustration builds but what can I do?  His medicines are only half of what they want to prescribe because I don't want him to be drugged all the time.  Too many meds makes him a zombie and they make him feel bad.  At the dosage he's on, he's still sort of manageable but he has his wonderful sense of humor and his zest for life and being a mischievious little imp!  It has been a long, long road with my son and probably a much longer road lies ahead until he's at least 17.  Sometimes he jokes about very inappropriate things and sometimes he jokes about very scary things.  Things that make me worry about him or what kind of person he will grow up to be.  I don't want him to be misunderstood whichever way he goes.

The link above is about Adam Lanza's father picking up his son's body so he can give him a proper burial.  Only he can't give a proper burial because he can't tell anyone where his son will be buried.  The grave would be overrun with vandals and other freaks that want to tear up his son's final resting place.  I'm writing this because people need to understand what we, as parents, go through with kids like ours.  This man has lived a very difficult life with his son.  It's hard to deal with autism, even when it's mild like Asperger's.  It's not a typical upbringing.  It comes with a lot of heartache, frustration, anger and the inability to understand why this happened to this child.  People need to understand that Mr. Lanza has been through enough and needs to bury his son and needs this closure to a very difficult chapter in his life.  The school kids and staff and their families have been affected terribly and they should rightfully want justice but Mr. Lanza has also paid an unbearable price.  The ultimate price - the loss of his son, his little man...his baby.  Mr. Lanza had to lose his son twice.  First when he developed autism and second when he killed himself. 

My hope is that people will have enough respect for Mr. Lanza to give him some peace and let him bury his son without any fear of retaliation.  Adam was a deeply troubled Aspie.  His impulse switch wasn't on, probably barely existed.  But leave the father alone.  He deserves to mourn in peace and try to put his life back together the best that he can.  Don't you think he's been through enough?  Can you put yourself in his shoes just for a moment and let it sink in what it must be like to have had a child like Adam and go through all they went through during his earlier years and to one day turn on the TV to see the horror that was caused by his son?  I see so many hateful comments from people that have absolutely NO idea of what they're talking about when they talk about this kid and his parents and his upbringing.  It's all speculation by the media. A crazy, whacked out media that will use this opportunity to talk about gun control.  This isn't about guns, it's about a boy that had a temper tantrum and couldn't control himself or understand the consequences of his actions and about his mental illness along with his autism.  That combination is a very dangerous one.

As a  mom with a wonderful, beautiful son with autism, I have to put myself in those shoes.  We are one of the lucky ones.  Ross isn't emotionally disturbed and he's not bi-polar and he's not on a bunch of different anti-psychotics.  He just has a hard time making his way in the world.  I sometimes wonder if I had the same challenges if I would just snap because of the difficulty  I would have navigating these crazy times.  What Adam did was wrong and horrible and I am not trying to excuse what he did.  Adam is gone.  He can't hurt anyone again - this post is to get people to think about Mr. Lanza and what he has to live with now.  Hopefully, everyone will cut this man just a little slack and leave him alone, in peace, with his son.

Saturday, December 29, 2012

There is a LOT of gun ban talk going on right now and there are many people who I have spoken with in the past that never even considered this would ever happen, but here we are!  I am trying to figure out why the American People haven't overrun the congress and the white house yet after the damage they have done to our Bill of Rights and our Constitution.  Gun rights is the last frontier for the Dictators of D.C. and they are going to go for everything they can - everything that WE ALLOW THEM - to get away with.  This Bitch-tator up top, here, decided that we need to have a new assault weapons ban in the wake of the Sandy Hook shootings in Connecticut a couple of weeks ago.  The absurd part is that the shooter DIDN'T USE ANY ASSAULT WEAPONS!  He used a glock pistol and some other handgun.   I know, facts don't matter to the media, it hasn't in a long time.  No one reported this in the beginning and only now are they starting to just a little. 
Here is Senator Feinstein's website and the "assault weapons ban summary" with a link to her proposal and a bunch of other links to the "testimonials" of gun control and how great it works in other American cities:
Here is a great article in the New American that really flushes out the shit that's in this proposal:
I'm sorry - fingerprinting and a photographing?? Are you kidding?  And a registry?   It's no one's right to know if I have a gun or not.  It's my right to keep a gun, any gun, if I so choose.  What the fuck ever happened to our privacy?!!?  Funny how newspapers can print the names and addresses of people that own guns <KOFF NewYorkTimesKOFF> but any parent that is divorced cannot get medical information on their own child if they aren't the ones that carry the insurance on them <KOFFTexasKOFF> and they happen to be in the hospital OR the paying parent needs to know what the itemized statement means!  OY!  Ok, I am getting sidetracked!  Anyway, I am of the school of thought that if the constitution says I can own a gun, that is my right, that is my permit and that is my business and screw you other people that think they have a right to know my business.
So I read Ms. Feinstein's proposal on her website and I sent her this nice, little letter to her office.  I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it.  ;-)

You know, Ms. Feinstein, it sickens me that you would take the Connecticut elementary school shootings as a crisis that should not be wasted.  To push for a ban of "assault weapons" when the weapons used were handguns is laughable.  But what bothers me most is not that you are a flaming liberal piece of crap, you took an oath to PROTECT AND DEFEND THE CONSTITUTION OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA!  And part of that constitution says that we have a right to bear arms, any and all kinds, not just handguns.  That right is not only to protect us from crazy people, it's to also protect us from government freaks gone berserk, LIKE YOU!  You guys have taken away our bill of rights to the tune of the TSA, NSA, NDAA, HR347, the Patriot Act and several others laws that violate our rights and now you're coming after our weapons.  I wonder why this is.....actually, I know why y'all are doing this.  To disarm the people is exactly what you want but the day you take my weapons and the right to defend myself from the likes of you and the rest of the criminals in DC will be the day I die.  You can stick that in your pie hole and chew on that for a while.  You disgust me and you should be tried for treason after all of the treasonous acts you have committed against the American People.  I pray to God you lose your senate seat and soon!

Yeah, I know, I sound a little loony-tunes but I was pissed when I wrote it but I am one of those people that when I feel passionately about something and I am angered or "jenraged" hehe, I tend to react and go off instead of patiently waiting for the reacting part of me turn to reflecting and THEN giving my two cents.  Sorry but this is just maddening.  I actually kind of like this letter.  Can you tell I couldn't remember the name of the school where this all happened?  LOL.  Yeah, my mind was racing a little bit.  So there ya go!  In a nutshell, we have yet another dictator trying to tell us what to do and how to do it and how to live our lives.  Someone needs to take her out back!  To you people that think I am paranoid, let me leave you with a few pictures to THINK about:



This speaks volumes!!


Now let's talk Fiscal Cliff, shall we?  So Obama's back from his 4 million dollar vacation ( I didn't get a vacation this year, did you?) and he signs another executive order to give Joe Biden, the man that cannot even speak a coherent sentence, and the rest of Congress a freaking raise ( I didn't get a raise this year, did you?) because they worked so fucking hard to spend us into a 17 trillion dollar hole, use our tax dollars to arm the very people that are killing our soldiers in the Middle East, literally strip us of our protections under the Bill of Rights, force us to participate in a healthcare scam that has NOTHING to do with helping anyone and gives us no end in sight for all the madness to stop, and are now propping up Mr. Beautiful, Marco Rubio, as the next presidential candidate.  Are you freaking KIDDING ME????  They get a raise for this?  An executive order for a raise???  I believe I talked about the executive order and how the SCOTUS ruled once before that the president cannot make law with executive orders but can only use it to replace EXISTING law but nobody will do or say anything about that, of course not!  They get a raise and our Social Security is 46 BILLION dollars in the hole?  What part of this does the American public not understand?  I have said before that if there is a lawyer out there willing to take these orders and unconstitutional laws to task, I will be the one to help lead the way!  I will be happy to take on these bastards and sign up others to take them on as well!  FreedomWorks, are you listening??  Mark Levin, are you listening??  Of course not or you would have done something by now on some of this craziness.  I literally dream of standing before a congressional panel and schooling them on their job and then pushing the eject button on their asses!
Actually, I tend to laugh at the whole "fiscal cliff" thing because anyone with half a brain knows that we went over that cliff 15 trillion dollars ago.  What we are facing now is one of the most expensive and largest tax increases in our nation's history.  And to think we fought a war over shit like this 230 years ago.  I wonder what those great patriots would be thinking now if they were alive to see this.  They'd be loading their muskets is what they'd be doing and planning the final days of the government, LOL!  So there is no cliff to go over because we already have, about 12 years ago to be exact.  The money is gone, there is nothing left to plunder and pillage except ten things - our rights.  The Bill of Rights that guarantees that we are a free people and that government has rules and laws they must abide by and when those laws are broken and this government attempts to infringe upon those rights, we reserve the right and have the expectations to abolish it.  They have taken away everything else from us - it's time to take the country and our rights back from them!

Feel differently?  Feel the same?  Feel FREE to leave any comment you wish - we still have parts of our 1st amendment right to say what we think!



Monday, December 24, 2012

Merry Christmas, everyone! 
What a glorious Christmas Eve this has been for me.  I am so thankful for everything I have and I have only God to thank for it all.  If it wasn't for Him, I would have nothing.  I have two wonderful kids, a great family, a good job and money to buy presents for the ones I love.  I have a home to keep me and the kids warm and safe from the elements and "evil doers" (lol) and food to put in our bellies every day.  What else could I possibly ask for?!?  Well, now that I think about it, there is something I can ask for.
I know that Christmas is not about presents or stuff we can pack our lives with.  I know I don't have to tell you what Christmas is about, either.  I get down on my knees and I praise God for bringing Jesus into this world to save our souls.  His birth is the most glorious of gifts that we can or will ever receive.  There is only one thing that I truly want.  I would give everything I have in order to obtain it.  Now that I think about it a little more, make that two things I want.  ;-)  I want world peace.  I know it sounds cliché but that's truly what I want more than anything else.  I want people of this world to be at peace with each other.  I want us all to find common ground and experience fellowship and love.  I want to be able to turn on the TV and hear about good things that are happening in peoples' lives.  I want to see people sending gifts of food and clothing instead of bombs and bullets.  I want to see water spilling from new fountains instead of blood being spilled in the streets.  I want people to just let other people be; free to live their lives as they wish, raising their children in love and peace.  We all deserve this.  We all seem to want it.  So why can't we all obtain it?  So many things about this world, the people, this life are so confusing to me.  What is it about power that is so...well....powerful?  I'm not stupid, I know why power is powerful but what is it about power that makes a man or woman willing to kill for it.  I mean, what makes a person wake up one day and say " I want to be the most powerful person in the world/country/state/whatever"  What makes them ok with taking someone's ( or many peoples') lives?  I guess I don't understand it because it's not something I want badly enough.  I'm not willing to wreck the lives of innocent people for something that seems so ridiculous to me.  I am not trying to be a downer on Christmas Eve, I'm really not.  It's just that when I'm being thankful for the things I have in my life, I also like to reflect and think about other people that aren't as fortunate; others in different countries around the world; others that are right down the street from me.  I hope that they are as blessed as I am and I wish for all people to be blessed with what I have.  I don't have much, just the things I listed above, which really is a lot more than most people in this world.  Isn't it funny how some people in this country think they have so little when there are others in lands far away that would kill to have what we do?  Yet, we don't think about that very often.  I get so caught up in the things that I want in my daily life that I have to, HAVE TO, remind myself of what I do have and that I am doing pretty damn well considering 97% of the rest of the world has way less than I.  Not only that but I live in a country where there are no bombs being dropped at any place, at any moment.  I live in a neighborhood that is quiet.  No automatic weapons or rocket launchers to be heard in the distance.  No sleeping on the floors with the children just in case bullets start flying through the windows. How lucky are we that we don't have to experience such horror every day?!?  So lucky!   I wish every person could have that same feeling of being safe and sound when they lay their heads down to sleep every night.  I wish for them to experience the same kind of peace that I know and that my children know.  I wish for peace everywhere around the world.
With my first wish for peace comes the second wish:  freedom.  I wish for world peace and world freedom.  A world that knows no tyranny, no communism and no one having control over every aspect of their lives.  True freedom so that people can live their lives according to how they wish.  Freedom to speak their minds, live wherever they want, freedom to raise their families andlive their lives on their own terms.  Freedom to be at peace without some larger entity feeding their heads with propaganda and hate and fear.  I wish for us all to live in the safety and love of Jesus Christ or whatever religious symbol they live by.  Yeah....that's what I want for Christmas....
Peace, love and joy.  Freedom, happiness and spirituality.  For everyone.
I know that most of you reading this will go to bed tonight as thankful as I am.  I know there may be some of you that don't think you are all that blessed for whatever reason and if you are one of those people, I beg you to please really look at what you have.  Friends, family, pets, job, all of the things I have listed above.  Even if you have a cray-cray family, love them and be happy you even have a family. Even if you only have ONE thing in this long list, that is still more than what a lot of other people have.  Be thankful for the breath of life God has given you because there are lots of people that are also dead.  Heehee.  No, seriously!   Life is the ultimate gift and YOU have it.

Wednesday, December 19, 2012


That's right!  You heard me!  I'm back and I'm badder than before! 

Yes, I have gone and done it!  I bought a new computer this morning and I am going to blog like never before!  W00T!  I am so excited, all I can do is the Happy Dance!

So I bought a Dell Inspirion 660.  I am assuming it's a decent computer and I didn't have to spend a buncha money I don't have, LOL!  It's a 2.97 ghtz, 6g, 1Tb and I got it all for $379.00.  

They even gave me a $7 discount because I told them it was for my daughter who is a student, hehe.  I didn't really "lie", it is for her.  And for me and for Ross, LOL!  $7.  I'm sure they'll be fine.  So anyhoo, I can't wait to be back in everybody's business in good ol' DC.  I'm sure they don't even know who I am (actually, I think I'm on the kill list)  and I'm sure they could give a rat's ass anyway.  None of them are listening to us as it is and now that Boehner's got his head up Nancy's ass, he'll not hear us even more.  OY!  That man has got to go.  Can't we dump him over the side of a bridge somewhere??   I mean, really!  Why does he even have an R behind his name?  He's no more republican that Hugo Chavez, who, by the way, is dying.  Yeah, I feel real bad about that, too.

On a completely different note, I've been sidelined with my running and other activities.  It seems that when I ran for precinct chair and did some other campaign work this past spring and summer, I had neglected my muscles so much that my obturator has decided to spaz and weaken along with my hip flexors and other funky muscle groups in that area.  That and I'm pretty sure the new chiropractor I had been seeing this fall tore it for me when he yanked my leg to "straighten my hips".  I'm pretty sure he's the culprit though I can't prove it or kick his ass for it!  Grrr.

The PT on it has been interesting to say the least and I have not been able to run in over two months.  I'm starting to get flabby and I've now got dimples in places I've never had them before.  Oh, you mean I was supposed to stop eating like I did WHILE running?  Yeah, I forgot about that (not).  But I'm addicted to sugar and I gotta have it.  I think I'm turning a corner, though.  It's not as painful and I'm doing my stretches and strengthening and I'm hopeful I will be able to run in the next two weeks.  Please, dear GOD, let it be so.

Welp, my boss is starting to get suspicious so I had better get off this thing.  You will be seeing me again on December 22nd after I get my new bad boy hooked up and online.

I miss my blog and all of you who don't read it!


Monday, December 3, 2012

I haven't written anything in so long.  I've still not replaced my computer with one that will actually let me write a blog within 30 minutes.  My computer loves to stall and cough and burp and it all comes to about 2 hours of trying to write something to which I have finally said screw it!   After I get my Christmas bonus I will replace the puter with a new one and resume my blogging for all to enjoy, ;-)


So people, tell me what's been going on?

Oh, I have to gloat just a little bit.  There were a couple of people that WERE close friends of mine that insisted I was an "unhinged" freak when it came to the NDAA pertaining to American citizens.  I wonder what those people will say now that Larry King and the entire 3rd party candidates were debating the NDAA law's provision of including American citizens as those who were included in this law.  I wonder what these people say now that they've heard other left wing media ( and right wing, too) talking about how this law does pertain to American citizens.  I wonder what they say now when they see Dianne Feinstein and Rand Paul proposing an amendment to the law that will specifically EXCLUDE American citizens ( even though it turns out to not exclude if the congress decides to pursue charges) A few people owe me a GD apology in my opinion.  And this does not mean I am proud that this law, in fact, does include American citizens, I just like to point out to those who were horribly rude and hateful and hurtful that they aren't right all the time like they think they are.  Neither am I, but at least I admit it when I'm wrong.  And, hell yes, I can hold a grudge!


Until next revoir!


P.S.  If there is anything going on that you would like me to write about, please let me know.  Keep it political if you can.  And no porn!  ;-)